The Crab of Wrath
All hail the mighty Mumpy!

All hail the mighty Mumpy!

Oh internet. Why do you even bother?

Oh internet. Why do you even bother?


How did you vote in the 2010 UK General Election?

Well, I voted for the Monster Raving Loony Party.

Wait, wait. Allow me to explain. Living just 3 miles from the centre of Maidstone, I thought it reasonable that I should be voting in the Maidstone and the Weald election. How stupid of my naïve 18 year old self!

Alas no. Instead, I was to be voting for a candidate to represent Faversham, some 10+ miles away. So, my reasoning went from:
I will vote for Peter Carroll, the Liberal Democrat, because I have seen his work gaining rights for Gurkhas who have fought for the UK in war. Also because he was previously the owner of a local haulage firm and thus, must understand the strains of life put on the greater part of the population.
I will vote for the Monster Raving Loon because it is their policy to resign immediately upon being voted in. Since it is my firm belief that those who seek power are those least suited to holding it, a Monster Raving Loon is the perfect candidate. (But, if I’m honest, them being hilarious has a lot to do with it too).

Anyhow, with both Maidstone and Faversham being stronghold Tory areas, there was little hope. The Liberal Democrats ruined the political landscape by falling in to a coalition with the Nasty Party and the UK spectacularly failed to learn any lessons from the deregulated capitalist economic crash of 2008, unless you include learning to repeat “It was New Labour’s fault for getting us in to this mess” when any of your policies fail to appease the critics.

Cue disillusionment and levels of misanthropy increasing to near fatal doses.

However, as we approach the European and Borough Council elections on 22nd May and general elections in 2015, I have once again suffered from an ability to give a shit about the organisation that tells me what to do.

So far, I have learnt one thing… You can forget about Russell Brand advocating not voting. Even though I too would love to see elections where such a tiny minority of the population votes that it would remove any legitimacy of the government in power. Peace, love and anarchy would surely reign supreme (the same result would occur if we banned traffic lights and lawyers).

At the moment, unfortunately people DO vote and the people voting are leaving their ill-informed mark in the box labelled UKIP. If polls and the (social) media are anywhere near accurate, we will see a huge increase in the number of UKIP MEPs being paid to not bother to attend the European parliament.

That is why you should vote… because if you don’t, the person-who-can’t-be-bothered-to-vote-because-they-hate-all-the-parties’ voice will be drowned out by the person-who-thinks-the-EU-is-stealing-all-our-money-and-who-hasn’t-realised-that-it-is-low-wage-levels-and-inequality-that-are-ruining-this-country,-not-the-immigrants’ voice.

Got that? Good. And everyone else who can’t be bothered to vote? Just take a look at the candidates in your area and vote for the one that you least hate. Eventually Westminster might realise that the population actually knows what it’s doing. That is the REAL revolution. It would be like the masses had just learnt to read all over again!

I hate democracy.

Timothy the Lovely Duck. He has a liberal ideology.

Timothy the Lovely Duck. He has a liberal ideology.

Tiffany the Flumptopus (of Flumps fame). Commonly known as the “sea marshmallow”.

Tiffany the Flumptopus (of Flumps fame). Commonly known as the “sea marshmallow”.

How do I feel?

As though there is no point.
I am here on a dying planet.
One where its natural beauty is being destroyed and dimished.
I am expexted to work my entire life.
To work with fools, delivering to so many that don’t deserve it.
Being constantly undervalued and held back by the expectations of me.
Only able to gain value by either devoting my entire life to a job.
Ruining my social life because I have nobody to talk to who understands.
Constantly entering cycles of unhappiness.
Feeling desperate and hopeless.
Craving death, an endless sleep because I know the real World will always disappoint me.
Wishing there would come a time when I feel happy.
Where cynicism was a thing of the past.
The people around me were intelligent and kind-hearted.
Surrounded by beautiful and respected scenery.
Enjoying our own imagination and culture and not that prescribed by other people or, worse, businesses.
And businesses that had real value to them.
Not enormous, faceless organisations but ones where everyone had their name above the door.
With the necessary large infrastructure behind it all being publically owned and competantly run.
No false pretense of democracy but a belief and trust in those that know best.
The path to power being forged on knowledge not popularity or money.
With wealth being given to those who do the tasks that everyone else sees as beneath them.
But overall, a place where happiness and learning is valued above and before any materialistic gain.

This I cannot obtain in my lifetime or even hope to be acheived after my passing.
So I return you to the beginning…
There is no point.


#England #LandRover  (at Stanborough Park)

#England #LandRover (at Stanborough Park)

I wroted a poem.

Cue the lights, cue the lasers, Cue the drinks and horny ravers,
Queue for drinks, spend, Drink, queue for drinks, spend.
Money’s gone now home again, *This* night hasn’t reached an end.
Through the cupboards, let’s comfort eat, All the calories, I need a treat!

Stumble loudly through the house, Fuck it! S’not like you’re a mouse.
Parent’s hardly like’ to care, during the day you’re barely there.
Out with mates, round Kate’s? Why not!? She’s rich, the pool, it’s a date.

Off to uni, oh great, first year. Quick, drink more, we’re finally here!
These exams are easy, right? Ooh, last night’s dinner, I’ll have a bite.
Pass the first and scrape the next, With a headache you can hardly read the text.
All done? 2:1. Well done! You know, You’re screwed here comes the real-life show.

Shit job, shit pay, shit hours, shit life, Next thing HA! You’ll need a wife.
Kids, a mortgage, you’ve got ‘em all, but it’s not like the games you played in school.
The aim, it seems, to breed but why? I know I hardly had to try!
You’d think they’d teach us better when, We go make the same mistakes as them.
Boom and bust then boom then bust, repeated with near on frightful lust.
At the top, greed and selfishness and the bottom? Blissful ignorance!

Isn’t it odd we can’t stop and think, And all over a nice *casual* drink.
So when the dusty cogs in your head start turning, Come on, you can do it, actual learning!
The cliché stands, read between the lines, ‘Cause you don’t know what was in the authors mind.
Now what was it Charles Darwin said? Oops, too late, it would appear… you’re dead.